Toilet douche bag

si i had to take a shit or did i. i went to the backyard to take a shit but the dogs liked it. so i then did something i didn't do in 7000 years...go to the toilet. 
i went to the bitch ass toilet and took big shit. then some wrinkly gay hand put its hand in my ass. i got up shitting on the ground.
the hand was red...koolaid red and it then showed its face. it had no legs. and it got out by its arms. and it vomited on me. i kicked that fucking creature in the face (i guess body). it flew and hit the wall. it then threw a bag of horse shit at me. so i put the stupid creature in the mircrowave and it exploded in confetti. it then somehow ate me and i think i died.